Brook's London

As reported by Brook Thalgott

As you may already know, I was in London for several months this spring and here is my little ‘essay’ on that experience.

This is my London:

London is a city of paradoxes – rich and poor, safe and dangerous, exciting and dull…you can watch neighbourhoods go from good to bad in a matter of blocks. Where I lived (an area called Willesden Green neatly sandwiched between Abbey Road and Hampstead Heath), there was a mosque three doors down, a synagogue on the next block, an Anglican Church after that – in a neighbourhood of West Africans, Arabs, Aussies, Kiwis, working class north Londoners and Eastern Europeans. Every morning, about 20-30 illegal Bosnian immigrants lined the road to be picked up for cash construction work. Harmless, but nothing I have ever seen before. You can get fish and chips and kebabs in the same shop, and Arabic lettering is a necessary thing on any advertising.

London is an eye-opening, maturing experience. In a matter of tube stops you can go from Westminster Abbey and the pish-poshness of Victoria, Chelsea, and Kensington to the abject poverty of Hackney, Lambeth, and Tottenham. Sometimes when I was riding on the Tube, it didn’t even seem like I was in England because of the hub-bub of other languages being spoken all around me. In some places like SoHo, you actually can sit in a café and watch the whole world walk by you in an hour. Londoners, because of the explosion of immigrants since the Second World War and especially since the formation of the EU, have adapted well to a ‘foreign’ presence in their city. A late-night kebab (don’t go near them when sober, but when full of booze they are delicious!) is something most pub-goers partake in after the pub closes at 11, and a good curry place within walking distance of your home seems to be considered a birthright. On any given night I could walk out my front door and have Chinese, Thai, North African, Middle-Eastern, Jewish, Italian, or Hungarian food within a ten-minute walk. That is not including the pubs serving traditional English or Australian food, and the fast-food staples of KFC, BK, and McDonalds.

Mixed couples, and all couples for that matter, abound everywhere. London is no place to be single if you want to be coupled. And they love and fight with drama unlike anything I have seen. They kiss and fight in Ikea, Hyde Park, The Tube…if I could have taken some pictures of it I would. You have to see it to believe it. Britons love to talk – especially about their part of the country and can always recommend their favorite pub, restaurant, book shop - nobody is shy in a pub. Random, friendly people will just start talking while waiting for a pint and, by the end of the night you have a friend and drinking buddy for life who has just given you the name of his favorite pub in Ibiza, Majorca, or Tenerife.

I loved walking Oxford Street, picnics in Hyde Park and browsing in the shops of Covent Garden. Harrod’s needs to be seen. You can’t afford to buy anything, but the window-shopping is out of this world. I call it the Mother Ship. I loved eating lunch in Trafalgar Square and feeding bread to the pigeons. I loved watching the tourists take their picture as they crossed Abbey Road like the Beatles did. I liked the dingy, smoky Irish pubs in Ealing and the way the patrons burst into song when their team scored (yes, they really do that). I liked the terrible newspapers like The Sun that report ‘news’ like the latest on Posh Spice’s new single or Elizabeth Hurley’s pregnancy. I loved illegal buskers dressed like Sylvester the Cat playing jazz and pop music on saxophones in the Tube and yes, I gave them money. I saw a guy ‘streak’ through a cricket game in Richmond (I still do not understand that game). The celeb spotting in London was wild! I saw Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice), Guy Ritchie (Madonna’s husband), Courtney Love, and on stage – Matt Damon, Casey Affleck and Scary Spice (Melanie Brown). They all just walk around and rarely get hassled.

BUT I hated never feeling really safe knowing street crime is on the rise and a very serious problem all over London (and then being a victim of it!). I hated having to ‘plan’ journeys to mundane places like the grocery store that I would hop into my car and be at in a matter of minutes at home. I missed my own big space and hearing about Olympic medals and curling and hockey. I missed big malls and urban sprawl and big box retailers. I missed the comradeship of quietly feeling superior to Americans yet enjoying their television, movies and music. I missed my car, my bathtub (only had a shower in my dinky little flat - it was one room and I shared it and it cost us each 850.00 CDN a month!), big refrigerator, my cat, ranch dressing and Wal-Mart.

I found living in London intriguing because it is so different than life in Canada. I learned there that I am very much a Canadian through and through. I really appreciate my home and just being Canadian. I wouldn’t trade this experience for all the money in the world, and I would tell anyone to pack and go for awhile to anywhere new – because you learn about you, what you want, and how much you love what you already have.

Weird Little Facts About the UK

1) They do not have salad dressing. They have mayonnaise and 'salad cream' which is what we would put on coleslaw. No ranch (!!), no creamy cucumber, no french.....very sad : (

2) They sell macaroni and cheese IN A CAN. This is sacrilege. Everyone knows mac and cheese is sold in a blue box labelled KRAFT.

3) Potato chips, or crisps as they say, are better here. Don't know why, just are. No sour cream and onion or dill pickle though.

4) KFC tastes different - mayo on sandwich is tangier.

5) McDonald's is EXACTLY the same - like a true corporate machine, a Big Mac in Regina tastes like a Big Mac in London

6) Have not had BK burgers yet - but they do sell mini-donuts (which tasted like shit) and have Indian food on the menu. Truly bizarre.

7) The country LOVES wine. You can buy it everywhere and people drink it constantly. Yuck.

8) Desserts are very bland. They are sweet, but have no other flavor like cinnamon or vanilla or almond...actually English food as whole is bland - except for curries. And having a good curry place in your neighbourhood appears to be considered a birthright.

9) There are virtually no SUVs - no space- and I have even seen those mini-electric smart cars driving around. Cars are everywhere, but there is no place to park and during rush hour the average speed is 9.9 km/hr in Central London. It made the paper, that's why I know.

10) Brits are better dressed than Canucks - especially the men. No beer shirts or baseball caps but I have seen a guy with a MULLET - not just a North American phenomenon and I heard him talk and he was a Brit not a tourist.

11) People are shorter and have a slimmer build than Canucks. There are very few very large people too - I mean the kind that can barely walk they are so big - I counted very few. I think it has to do with all the walking you have to do to get around. I mentioned this to the Brits I know and they say it is different outside of London.

12) The country is OBSESSED with pop music. Pop musicians make the news there - the real BBC news...strange

13) Movies are between 3-6 months behind. When I was there, last fall’s movies were just coming out.

14) People complain if they have to drive to Manchester or Leeds because it is so far - 3 HOURS. Pussies.

15) Everyone loves Ikea - and never ever go on Saturday pm - learned that lesson the hard way.

16) Nobody looks where they are going ever, especially on Oxford Street

17) Street crime (muggings and the like) are a very serious problem - I got pickpocketed on Portobello Road (the market seen in Notting Hill)

18) South London is the hood - although there are some trendy spots like Clapham and Battersea. That being said there have been 2 murders and 5 violent carjackings there in a week - no thanks.

19) When I said about every fourth person is foreign, I was wrong- try every second.

20) Malls are less frequent, but just as big.

21) For all you American Idol fans, the phenomenon started in the UK. Pop Idol was a Saturday night ritual, and a television tour de force. The winner, Will Young, was the BLANDEST pop star ever. He came out of the closet a week after his win. So much for being a heartthrob!

22) Both the Queen Mum and Princess Margaret died while I was there. My friend and I walked the length of line to see the Queen Mum lying in state. It took us 2 hours to reach the end. It stretched from Westminster, across the Thames and along the SouthBank for several MILES. If we had waited in line, it would have taken 8 hours to get through.

23) Windsor Castle is really BIG, and because of poor planning is now on the flight path of Heathrow.

24) Oxford University is a bunch of individual colleges spread all over Oxford, and I didn’t see Chelsea Clinton – but I tried!

25) The best movie to see what London really looks like is "About a Boy" (Hugh Grant flick).